And he had a little hope in the world... [entries|friends|calendar] 祐弥 [ userinfo | userinfo ] [ calendar | calendar ]

From now on.... [27 Oct 2010|11:07pm] [ mood | complacent ] Plain and simply this journal is more of a personal ranting journal to vent on so naturally there are a few people I would prefer not read it to avoid drama. No real rules that wouldn't apply to adding any other journal, just please leave a comment here requesting to be added if you would like too. If you are looking for entries a little less confusing, whinny or gloomy you might be more interested in visiting or adding either my GJ or LJ. Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

Shit... [25 Oct 2007|02:03am] [ mood | gloomy ] I'm feeling like I might have to start using this thing again... ...shit. Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

[12 Jul 2006|05:57pm] [ mood | mischievous ] [ music | "Tales" - Duel Jewel ] Excuse me while I go slip a roofy into this man's drink, then drag him off to marry him against his will after a long hard night of much needed raping... ( *inlove* ) By the beard of Zues! Huzzah, Papa got a shiney new pair of Zildjian Titanium Pros... Owa~~~ ♥ Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

hhhmmm....? [14 May 2006|04:37pm] [ mood | awake ] [ music | "Sepia" - Duel Jewel ] So... Everyone leaves me to go get dad because he's a retard and got stranded at the Fort Sam BX when he lost his car keys, when he calls up begging for a ride. That was around 2:00pm... "Nah, you don't have to come, because we're just going to pick him up and come straight back. If he wants to go somewhere or do anything we'll get you!" ....it's now 4:40pm. Something seems a bit suspicious here.... I'll kill them all... Bah!! God damn, it feels so good that school is done and A-kon is all payed for and set... Now if only sweet DJ was the musical guest.... (not that I don't adore Hakuei) Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

daaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh...... [06 May 2006|04:20am] Doing CRIJ exams... this is so ridiculously boring... but they are my last ones... Yay! Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

....wow... [02 May 2006|10:15pm] [ mood | pessimistic ] I have a final tomorrow... need a shower... haven't studied one bit. I'm beyond screwed if I don't pass it. I already bombed my GOV final... So I need atleast 2 B and 1 A to pass the semester... which means I have to get an A or B on this final... I'm a dead man. and I didn't even get to finish my online exams today... so if I can't manage to get on at mower and snyders or at the comp. lab tomorrow... I am screwed. YAY!!! Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

ahhh... [02 May 2006|02:29pm] [ mood | grumpy ] [ music | "Little Wonder" - David Bowie ] Nothing like knowing I am going to be spending a fun filled day doing nothing but online exams... Hooray! Kill me... Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

Yippee~!! [02 Apr 2006|08:54pm] [ mood | rushed ] 8:55pm.... Wake up for school at 8:00am... have a 5 page essay about Freud due tomorrow... 5 pages. 5 paragraphs. 1650 words. Amount done.... 2 pages, 2 paragraphs, and 579 words.... 3 pages, 5 paragraphs and 1071 words to go... Who's screwed?? (plus a gov. exam on wed... that I have not studied enough for... haven't passed one yet...) Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

Why not? [31 Mar 2006|11:03am] [ mood | enraged ] [ music | "Space Oddity" - David Bowie ] I have a 5-6 page essay I need done today... and 2 of my sources are on the campus library's E-book server... which I wake up to log onto this morning... and they are down? WTF? This is horribly uncool~ To add to the fun... My Redemption single from Neowing, FINALLY comes... just in time for my DVD player to decide it isn't going to spin discs anymore... .........kill me~ Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

Woo woo woo~ [19 Mar 2006|09:43am] [ mood | tired ] [ music | "The Final" - Dir En Grey ] Well... I actually did manage to make it to the show~ Got to be backstage too... I'll give a review type thingy soon... probably with some pics. I have decided though... my new inspiration/idol... is Shinya. Not even like as far as how well he plays but just his stage presence and movement... *nod* I must become the Shinya~ ☆o☆; Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

The proud and few? [05 Mar 2006|06:03pm] [ mood | content ] [ music | "Dears (Unplugged Love-Letter ver.)" - Gackt ] Damn... am I seriously like the only person on the planet that ever since Black Stone has been in love with Gackt's hair? Especially the cornrow braids and the Redemption Cornrow/Curls?? I mean... This- And this- Looks freakin' awesome and dare I say, friggen hot~! :x Infact, I freaked out squealing with joy when I saw the first photoshoot he did it... Like ridiculously. I just don't get what looks so terrible about it? And his Dirge of Cerberus outfit I've seen everyone bashing too... but for me... it's the same as the hair... I just don't get it. XP *random because I did it for fun and I'm posting about him anyway* Gackt encounter by aiko Your name here... When you will meet Gackt: April 5, 2009 How many times he will smile for you: 10 Why do you get to meet him? You saw him on the street and ran over to him What you will do together: Eat butabura curry Will he remember you? He fell in love and you stayed together forever. awww... ^___^ Quiz created with MemeGen! Wow... That was cheesy... XD Damn it's been forever since I've done a Meme... :x Went to the White Rabbit last night after an entire day of practice. We got to go and set up at our place in Marion... had it all to ourselves to be as loud as we could. I finally now have an entire song done. We can now all play "The Sash" together... so we did... All day. We were going to do some with "White Fury"... but it's currently written so off tempo it's ridiculous, so I have to basically wait until David redoes the entire songs Guitar so we can actually write some drums to it. Amazingly enough for as much and as long as I played I only have 2 little blisters on one finger... it still hurts like the dickens, but it's alot less then how bad my hand is usually blistered and ripped up to hell. After practice we all went to White Rabbit to scope... We often like to check out local bands and see what we are up against... most of the time we leave feeling extremely good and confident about ourselves, hahaha. Tonight was the same. All just horrible, horrible punk and metal bands. All sounded exactly the same... execpt the headliner, which was a band from Dallas... The Feds. They were actually talented... their music still sucked as far as my taste goes but they atleast knew what they were doing. I felt a bit sorry for them, since it was obviouse they were a band that was big in Dallas, and probably filled up pretty well, came here... and there were like 7 people in there... including all of us. What was a little unpleasent was that they were all very gross, greasy... very Rolling Stones, Aerosmith-ish as far as there looks went... and yet the entire time Ari and I being the only females there not over 200 pounds had their crouches and it was not pleasant... With as drunk as snyder got though, and the amount of laughs we get out of all the bands that sucked... it was fun. And I had the oddest dream the other night involving, moving out in the country where Ari had a Potato patch that she kept trying to get these machine things to work while ranting about needing to get moisture to her potatoes... then there were some tornados... like 6 at once... 5 teeny tiny ones and one big one... then after them the sky started sucking in like a black hole, and then a Giant T.M.Revolution appeared floating in the sky and started singing... White Breath I think it was? Then his eyes starting getting really bugged and wide and we got in a car and started driving away from him as fast as we could talking about the new "War Weapon"... No... I have no idea... and no I didn't take anything before bed... or drink anything, or smoke anything... Bah... I don't want to work on my essays... ::flops lazily:: Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

Ahhhh... goodbye Kao... [26 Feb 2006|08:44pm] [ mood | pessimistic ] [ music | "Redemption" - Gackt ] Yeah... I think I am dropping out of SXSW... Yep, that's right... time to brace myself for the millions of "Are you fucking nuts" and "What the hell is wrong with you"s from everyone I know... I Caggy, with Kaoru inspired hair, who's entire band persona is very influenced from him and his old looks... Has a perfectly good chance to see Dir En Grey and am probably, of my own choice not going... why? I don't think I can take it. I got ridiculously sick from being stressed out just after one party of being around them, and I have gone into a slight relapse since... I can't imagine doing it my entire spring break. Plus lack of sleep hasn't been helping... I already had to skip class on friday... I have finally after about 6 years of tests, C-Scans, X-rays, Edoscopies, medication, etc... a suggestion of what I might have.. I've started a new treatment to fix it... but with good new comes bad. I have to completely bomb before I get better. To get rid of what's wrong a reaction causes me to get 50 times worse before better... Almost like trying to quite a major drug cold turkey... So I think I am really going to need to have some time to fight it off before I break. It will suck, but I don't know if they are worth it... God I know a million people that would jump on my ass for saying that... But I haven't slept in so long, I feel so tired and sick and stressed out. I can't work 50 hours to see them. Even if they are Dir en Grey. I'll just have to wait and see if they will ever come again and I'll get another chance. Ah, and to top it off... our hot water isn't working, I need a shower, and I have school tommorow... wonderful... Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

OOOOHHH MMMMMYYYY GGGGOOOODDDDD~~~ [19 Feb 2006|05:41pm] [ mood | annoyed ] [ music | "Tales" - DUEL JEWEL ] GAAHHH... I just love it when I DL gets so close, and cuts off right before finishing, and no users to seed from are in site. And what are the chances that this time, they are all exactly at 88%... I want to kill something... Ah, and how I miss being able to relate to the entries along the lines of being overly bored, or getting to go somewhere cool. I can barely close my eyes for a minute without having something I have to get done. BAH~! and I still haven't read my shit. I am almost positive there will be a Pop quiz on atleast one tomorrow. Who the fuck gives Pop quizes in College anyway... I seriously don't go to one, I go to a ridiculously overstuffed High-school that I have to pay way to much for... I can't wait to get to freakin' UTSA and out of my current college hell whole. ...................I wanna see my Yuya~ m(ToT)m Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

Owa~~~~~~~~ [19 Feb 2006|02:15pm] [ mood | pessimistic ] [ music | "Rain" - Duel Jewel ] What ever do you mean bombed my first Gov. exam? What do you mean I have 2 huge articles to read and right about by tonight... What do you mean have to read 26 chapters of Cat's Cradle by friday... and what ever do you mean I still haven't taken my first 4 criminal justice quizess and first exam? Want to die? Me? Why ever would I want that?? please god kill me... Somehow, with all this shit, and thinking of how my only time off will be spent working 50 hours and loosing all of it, is making the possibility of quitting and just paying the $575 look like a mighty good idea... Of course... it doesn't change the impossible factor with me having a total of $10 to my name right now... Because FASFA is a pile of donkey shit. Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaay~~~~~~!!!!!!!! [12 Feb 2006|05:46pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | "Redemption" - Gackt ] Essay due tommorow, by 12:00pm... 2-3 pages... 700-1000 words... ... skills at writing when I HAVE too... 0% Skills at writing things a certain length when I have too... -50% How much done... 1 sentence... ...chances of finding motivation to pass this class... apr. 0% Hurray~ ::falls over dead:: Yeah... and well, I haven't posted any pics of my new hair yet, and non of me period in ages. (I don't even know that the majority of you guys still on here have ever even seen me to begin with) Eh... have some pics- ( Owa~! ) And there were a few more, but Brett hasn't e-mailed them to me yet. Time to go back to dying writing my damn paper. Ooooooo.... and I almost forgot... I get the most awesomeistest valentines day present in the whole wide world~!!! I TRIP TO THE DENTIST! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (please god kill me) Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

... oh sweet god. [21 Jan 2006|10:32pm] [ mood | hopeful ] Please god let everything work out with SBSW this year... .... though I don't know which is more likely to cause my death... missing them, or actually seeing them... One shall have to see... Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

Huzzah~ [11 Dec 2005|02:31am] [ mood | thankful ] [ music | "ETERNAL" - AQUA-LEAF ] Damnit... in checking up on a bunch of shit I am so ridiculously behind on I find a shitload of Ruka pics, that I have no idea where the hell they are from, on various peoples icons and such... And it's made me sad. One more then any other.. Damnit... I NEEEEED that picture, where ever the hell it is. He inmensly reminds me of Mar in it... I've been checking all the sites and communities I can think of, but hell, I don't even know what exactly it's from, so I can't even really go buy whatever has it... My current asumption is that it's from the new photobook or something... Anyhoo... My last update was right before my party... My presents I must say were pretty sweet... I got- Huge Gackt Poster - From Mom Gackt sticker... (kind of just a filler) - From Mom A h-darts/Gackt necklace (one of my most loved) - From Mom Alexander 2 disc edition directors cut (the movie) - From Ariel Alexander the Conquerer (book) - From Ariel Bad ass arm bands- from Ariel Saiyuki vol. 4 (dvd) - From Gaar Fushigi Yuugi Genbu Gaiden vol. 1&2 (manga) - from Gaar Magna Carta :Tears of blood (vg- ps2) - from Gaar The one thing I wanted more then anything else this year... 2 awesome cross necklaces - from Mom & Brett Cure - from Mom Collectors classic Dr. Pepper bottle- from Mom and 2 cds from Mom... And possibly the most adorable was a "I love you" not from Nari. (my 6 year old little sister) One of the first birthdays since I was tiny where I squeeled at nearly everything I got. And the best part I think was the cake... See... my favorite Candy in the world is Butterfinger, my favorite Cake that I have to have every year is Cheesecake, I am obsessed with Dark chocolate... so Ari makes the most godly homemade Dark Chocolate Butterfinger Cheesecake for me... Plus my birthday dinner was at Mc. Donalds... which sounds stupid and cheap, but it's sadly my favorite food in the world, so it made me happier then anywhere else I could have gone... And basically... since coming home on Tuesday, I have been doing nothing but playing Magna Carta non-stop, so there isn't too much to update about... Besides that Nari (my 6 year old sister, who lives with her Dad in austin) has just moved in with us until atleast January... Brett is having trouble with his land lord and being kicked out for having my Mom there when he wasn't supposed to... so until things either clear up, or he gets a decent place she is living here with us. Owa~ and now I have a shitload of stuff I promised to scan people, so I shall be up all night long... fun fun~ (probably kill myself by still jumping up out of bed way to early tomorrow morning to get on my PS2 and play Magna Carta before Dylan plugs in his Xbox and plays the same damn levels of splinter cell and halo 2 for the 5 millionth time... over and over...) Oh hohohho~ I found out Rhiannon got kicked out of Doc's today...after he beat her... Excuse me for a moment but.... AH HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~!!!!!!!! It's about damn time! bah... I shally be closing my Deadjournal once again... heh... the only remaining person on my friends list just left it, so... It looks like it's just Caleida again, until I am off my hiatus fully... (and possibly myspace if I actually decide to ever start putting updates in my personal one.) Ah... and Ari re-cut my hair today... heh. I made the mistake of this time trying to describe exactly how I wanted it layered and tapered..etc. instead of just saying Macabre Kaoru, and having it coming out looking more like Yuna from X-2 while she swears she did it exactly like his... this time, I it's like... woah~ It doesn't look bad really... it's very... cute. But that is the problem really. I look now as if my birthday made me 10 years younger rather then a year older. I think it will look really cool when it grows out a bit but right now it's way to short... Ari of course loves it... but... I think next time I am telling her to just do it like she did the first time and leave it at that until I can afford to spend $500 to go to Visual Changes and get it actually looking like Kaoru's... m(_ _)m God I really want a Dr. Pepper... but I've already had 5... oh the torment! Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

...son of a... [05 Dec 2005|02:36pm] [ mood | giddy ] [ music | "ETERNAL" - AQUA-LEAF ] Sooo... my AOL account, that I have had for about... 7-8 years now... is gone. Yay~ (￢_￢;) I am going to have to make a new one soon... not sure what it will be yet, or what it can seeing as everything I like I've used on AIM most likely. Annnddd... our Car got killed. XP While parked none the less. 3am-ish saturday... Or I guess Sunday officially... it got hit and totaled by a red car. We came home Sunday morning to find it missing... that maybe it had gotten stolen, until we found glass all over where in was parked, along with chunks of red car and a piece or ours... called the police, it had been towed to the impond, went to see the damage... the front is completely smashed in. We are waiting for a police report, which will take about 3-5 days, so we can see what insurance they had and all that jazz... Unfortantly we just had liability insurance on ours and not full coverage. Other then that, I am for the first time in a long time very excited about my birthday, which is tomorrow. I am getting the one gift I wanted more then anything... (well, besides maybe just $300 to pay the rest of my dept to hoshi-san) which would be the new Magna Carta... I've been all giddy about it... I am not allowed to play it until tomorrow but I probably will become quite the couch blob then. Cathers, Ari, Dylan, Dad are all currently out getting more presents for me... ones I can actually be surprised about, unlike Magna Carta, which I know about, and was there when Dad bought it. Mua haha~ I seriously am all kiddy about it, and I have not been since I was about 9 years old. So, ja~ tomorrow = Happy Birthday to me~ Yay! Owa~ I need to go try and think of what the hell to make my new AOL SN... ::bounces off:: Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

まあ。。。 [27 Nov 2005|03:14am] [ mood | nauseated ] [ music | "Eternal" - AQUA-LEAF ] I had this entry all plotted out earlier... Pulled up the notepad and everything... get ready to type... had to restart the comp. and when I started it back up pulled it again... and now I cannot for the life of me figure out what I was going to write up. Other then I have been sick as a dog, because thanksgiving, I over did it a little it seems and since my stomache seems to have had a relapse... So... I shall have to get back to you next week... unless I remember something before I go to sleep tonight. Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

God damn... [20 Nov 2005|05:20am] [ mood | moody ] [ music | "Secret Eden" - AQUA-LEAF ] I swear to god if I see Davids penis one more time all hell will break loose. I am in such a bad mood tonight... and I don't really have any idea why. Everything David is doing currently in his drunken-ness is making me want to kill him. Today at the store I nearly lost it completely on a group of workers who were ridiculously all up on my nuts. They wouldn't leave me alone, and kept chuckling, making sexual gestures and spouting out what they would like to do to me, while I was trying to just get some damn brocolli... which I am usually completely not bothered by, because I am sadly very used to it by now... but tonight I just couldn't take it for some reason. I've been so snappy and touchy all night... Shit... now that I think about it... I bet it's freaking lack of sleep. It's the only thing I can think of that would have me like this right now... I've gotten a total of 4 hours of sleep in the past 2 days... and it was on thurs. night... well, more like friday morning. I stayed up until 8am, woke up at 11 or 12am... and sleep since then... has been pretty non-exsistent. I came so close to passing out during pratice today... so many times it would have been close to impossible to count. I only did it for 1 hour and yet I was exhausted from it. Damnit... Justin is going to get all fucking winey, because my damn computer froze right after he IMed me... Owa... my week is too full for me to be in a mood like this... Damnit. Even [DREAMING] is a sin?

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